When I made the choice to add meditation back into my routine, I did not expect to have visions of you. Sometimes I see you with your arms held out almost like you see someone coming towards you and you’re waiting to be embraced with a hug. Other times you’re sitting on the ground with your head held down playing by yourself and I can’t tell if you’re happy or sad. I’m sure there is no coincidence that my visions are always of you, so I decided to write you a letter.
I’m sorry I tucked you away. I tried to protect you and I never realized I abandoned you during the process. I never took time to nurture you, talk to you, or give you freedom.
I want you to understand that there is nothing wrong with you. You have a light that can break through any dark period, yet I hid it away due to my issues. I’m sorry I shut off our light. I allowed others to tear me down over and over. I spent my time worrying about what people thought about us instead of just being present. I allowed pride to get the best me and that hindered our growth. I’m sorry I spent all these years allowing us to live in fear, to feel insecure, and never taking the time to set healthy boundaries when necessary.
You’re beautiful. I’m sorry you got teased for having darker skin and I allowed it to follow us throughout our journey. You were always pushed aside, no one ever took you serious, and you always felt inadequate and defensive. You had to experience this as a child from people who looked like you, and now I have to experience it from other races. I’m sorry I couldn’t heal from this sooner. To be honest, I’m still working on healing from this and no matter how inadequate I feel I will never stop trying.
Your past does not define you. You’ve always wondered what was wrong with you because you had an absent father. I need you to know that his actions have nothing to do with you as a person. When I see visions of you holding your arms out, I imagine that is who you are waiting for and I need you to stop waiting, because I have.
You were always fed kind words from others but because you’re highly sensitive and did not know how to deal with this gift accordingly, you only gave your attention to negative words. I’m still learning how to look at things and people from a different perspective. Sometimes negative words put into the universe have nothing to do with you, it just means others have their own demons to work on. We all have made mistakes and projected our insecurities onto others at some point, let’s keep this in mind.
Things I want us to work on:
- You cannot control everything. There are things bigger happening in the world. Our feelings are valid but we cannot selfishly align everything to accommodate our feelings, out of fear.
- It’s okay to forgive. Forgiving others is not giving your power away, it is taking your power back. Release and let go of things that have harmed you. This is a necessary step for our healing process. I’m still learning to forgive and let go. When you fail to let go, it’s almost like drowning in that moment of hurt.
- Stop taking everything so personal. You matter but keep in mind that everything is not about you. If you ever encounter people with qualities that make you feel low, remove them. It’s quite simple.
- Stop looking for others to replenish you. Don’t have high expectations for others to treat you the same way you would treat them. Don’t rely on others to make you feel your best.
- It is possible to love unconditionally and have boundaries. Some people don’t deserve to have access to you. Learn to love from a distance.
- Stop being afraid of everything and trust that everything is as it should be.
- Learn to love your body.
- Learn to love yourself.
I want you to know that I’m releasing you forward, so we can heal together.