A Letter To My Younger Self

Dear Brianna,

When I made the choice to add meditation back into my routine, I did not expect to have visions of you. Sometimes I see you with your arms held out almost like you see someone coming towards you and you’re waiting to be embraced with a hug. Other times you’re sitting on the ground with your head held down playing by yourself and I can’t tell if you’re happy or sad. I’m sure there is no coincidence that my visions are always of you, so I decided to write you a letter.

I’m sorry I tucked you away. I tried to protect you and I never realized I abandoned you during the process. I never took time to nurture you, talk to you, or give you freedom.

I want you to understand that there is nothing wrong with you. You have a light that can break through any dark period, yet I hid it away due to my issues. I’m sorry I shut off our light. I allowed others to tear me down over and over. I spent my time worrying about what people thought about us instead of just being present. I allowed pride to get the best me and that hindered our growth. I’m sorry I spent all these years allowing us to live in fear, to feel insecure, and never taking the time to set healthy boundaries when necessary.

You’re beautiful. I’m sorry you got teased for having darker skin and I allowed it to follow us throughout our journey. You were always pushed aside, no one ever took you serious, and you always felt inadequate and defensive. You had to experience this as a child from people who looked like you, and now I have to experience it from other races. I’m sorry I couldn’t heal from this sooner. To be honest, I’m still working on healing from this and no matter how inadequate I feel I will never stop trying.

Your past does not define you. You’ve always wondered what was wrong with you because you had an absent father. I need you to know that his actions have nothing to do with you as a person. When I see visions of you holding your arms out, I imagine that is who you are waiting for and I need you to stop waiting, because I have.

You were always fed kind words from others but because you’re highly sensitive and did not know how to deal with this gift accordingly, you only gave your attention to negative words. I’m still learning how to look at things and people from a different perspective. Sometimes negative words put into the universe have nothing to do with you, it just means others have their own demons to work on. We all have made mistakes and projected our insecurities onto others at some point, let’s keep this in mind.

Things I want us to work on:

  • You cannot control everything. There are things bigger happening in the world. Our feelings are valid but we cannot selfishly align everything to accommodate our feelings, out of fear.
  • It’s okay to forgive. Forgiving others is not giving your power away, it is taking your power back. Release and let go of things that have harmed you. This is a necessary step for our healing process. I’m still learning to forgive and let go. When you fail to let go, it’s almost like drowning in that moment of hurt.
  • Stop taking everything so personal. You matter but keep in mind that everything is not about you. If you ever encounter people with qualities that make you feel low, remove them. It’s quite simple.
  • Stop looking for others to replenish you. Don’t have high expectations for others to treat you the same way you would treat them. Don’t rely on others to make you feel your best.
  • It is possible to love unconditionally and have boundaries. Some people don’t deserve to have access to you. Learn to love from a distance.
  • Stop being afraid of everything and trust that everything is as it should be.
  • Learn to love your body.
  • Learn to love yourself.

I want you to know that I’m releasing you forward, so we can heal together.

Love,

Brianna

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I Need You To Understand That You’re Magical!

There are so many great things about you that your mind will not allow you to see. Its never too late to create healthy thinking patterns. Have you ever had an idea and you got so excited about it and then 30 minutes later you think “nah that sounds dumb, people wouldn’t buy that product…” that self-doubt will continue to take place as long as you allow it. Or you tend to compare yourself to others and feel like you wouldn’t be able to accomplish that goal because its “already been done” when in reality, there are things in you that another person doesn’t have. So stop comparing yourself to someone else. Stop doubting your creativity and ability to be successful in your craft. Stop placing limits on what you are able to do. Stop worrying about what others will think about your next move. You have a gift and its time to start using it. There could be two books about the exact same subject and if you read both I can bet you will gain knowledge from both of them, in different areas. Don’t doubt your ability to reach people who need to be reached. Your technique might be easier for someone else to follow.

In order to create more success, create positive thinking patterns. Make it a habit in your daily routine to be kinder to yourself. Nourish the broken parts of you. Start with things YOU are able to change. Talk to yourself, speak it out loud so you can hear your own voice say these kind words. Be consistent until you are able to check yourself when you feel the negative thoughts pop up.

Change your perspective when a disruption happens. Sometimes your plans are disrupted because there was something else greater for you. Our ideas and goals become our babies, we put so much energy into it and it failed. I understand how this could be heartbreaking and discouraging but guess what, you will have another idea and another opportunity. So you can spend a few hours sad about it (as you should) and start planning after your pep talk, or you can spend weeks dwelling on what didn’t go right. Use your failures as a tool to be a better you and to perfect your craft.

I want who ever is reading this to understand the importance of self-love. Once you work towards having that love for yourself, you feel unstoppable. You finally see YOU and your ability to overcome obstacles placed before you. You become more gentle with yourself. You are able to forgive yourself and others. You will do everything out of love and you will be a step closer to understanding how to love others unconditionally. Feed yourself with compliments the moment you wake up and before you go to sleep. Understand that there is so much love in you that needs to be poured out into the world and you will always be restored with more love.

I wish you the best!

 

Maintaining Consistency On My Spiritual Journey

Faith PicWe are all guilty of going through phases where we feel disconnected on our spiritual journey. It can happen during toughest times in life whether you’re are experiencing a mental health episode, grieving from a loss, and let’s be honest, sometimes we can get lazy in our commitment with God.

One thing I’m learning is to trust in God and in my process. As bad as it sounds, this all goes out the window when I am feeling anxious. My fears and excessive worrying can often overpower what I understand to be true. Overtime, I’ve learned how to deal with these episodes and not give in to my anxiety. This does not mean I completely stopped being anxious, it just means I have found ways to cope with it.

• I pray a lot and ask God to help me through the day. I pray for the mental strength to cast out any negative thoughts before allowing them to take over. I choose my favorite bible verse, which is Psalm 23, and say it when I’m afraid until I feel relaxed.

• I like to distract myself from what’s going on in my head so I find a show to watch that calms me, makes me laugh, or makes me think. That’s one hour I would have spent obsessing over a bad thought. Once the show is over, I’ve already calmed down and probably forgot what I was thinking about.

• I write. A quick healthy release. I write about how my day went, what I was afraid of, and always end on a positive note. I use my journals to look back on to see how much progress I’ve made with myself.

Loss is something all of us are afraid of. It could be a death in the family, ending a friendship, going through a break up, or starting a new journey in life. During your grieving process, you may be upset with God because you feel betrayed that something so close to you is being taken away. Always remember that God is patient with you and your process, so take your time to heal from your broken heart. Although I do not have any solid advice on how to overcome the pain from loss, one thing I do know is that God is always present when you are blocking yourself from his love. I can’t even explain the reason for someone being taken away from you, but I know that every person is here to serve a purpose on this earth and that they were placed in your path for a reason. Throughout your journey try to figure out what this person has taught you and use the lesson as a tool to help you with your growing process.

I find myself being put through tests often, to the point where I’m annoyed and I just want to stop putting effort into my relationship with God. One morning, I even told myself I wasn’t going to ask for patience just so I wouldn’t be tested that day. I can’t tell if I’m aggravated with being tested or failing the test. Regardless, I understand why it’s happening. It’s for my growth as a person. Sometimes it’s easier to choose laziness over the constant obstacles we know we will experience on our spiritual journey. I’m learning that if I choose to be lazy, then I’m choosing to be stagnant. I’m allowing my fear of failure to control my life.

There are many different methods that can help people who suffer from mental disorders, and these are a few that worked for me at this period of my life. Overtime, I’m sure I will practice new methods, but I want others to understand that different things work for different people and trying something once does not mean it will work during that time. When you are working towards growth you have to be consistent in your routines. It’s just like working out, you will not see results unless you’re being consistent in your gym routine and you have healthy eating habits. Your spiritual journey is the same. Be consistent in your relationship with God.

Be blessed!

4 Simple Self-Care Goals

Did you compliment yourself today?

Many times we push our well-being to the side. We are so focused on other things happening in our lives that we forget to take care of ourselves. I always recommend self-care days to people because we all deserve to feel at peace. I challenge you to try these healthy strategies to help improve your well-being.

Here are some ways to take care of you:

1. Plan out a self-care day. Write out a list of things you want to do that calms your spirit. It could be your favorite hobby or something you are interested in trying. Complete this list! This should not be a one time thing. In order to continue a healthy journey, plan one as often as needed.

2. Plan alone time. Separate from people and reconnect with yourself. If you enjoy nature, find a trail you like and explore. If you are a busy person and lost sight of your dreams, spend that time inspiring yourself. Quiet your mind, meditation helps with this. Find things that help you cleanse your mind from chaos, and enjoy you. Alone time helps us to find ourselves. It’s perfectly fine to be surrounded with people you love but you need a healthy balance between connecting with your inner self and spending time with your family/friends.

3. Nourish the mind, body, and soul. Be conscious of what you are putting into your body, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Sometimes we think we are taking proper care of ourselves when in reality, we are lacking something. You can start exercising but you may not be eating right. You can be growing spiritually but still keep certain things and people in your life who are draining you. Nourish all aspects of your life. Once you start putting effort into all areas, you will see a shift take place.

4. Speak good things over your life. Every time you think negatively cast out those thoughts and say something positive out loud. Tell yourself how beautiful and smart you are. You have to believe you are amazing and destined for greatness. Train your mind to think good and you will feel good.

During your process, keep a journal in hand to record the changes that will happen in your life. Write down the good and the bad. One day you will go back and read and see how much you have grown. Take things one step at a time and be patient with yourself.

Believe in you.

Writer’s Block

1.
the condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing.
It has been two years since I opened my personal journal or my notes in my phone to write poetry. At first I made myself believe that I just had writer’s block. Last month I finally admitted to myself that I was afraid to write. Most of my poetry was written during the dark times in my life, and I conditioned myself to pair the two. I am currently trying to break that mindset and write when I am in a good place and get back into healthy coping mechanisms.